Shark Jokes

• What is the best tool in the ocean?

A hammerhead shark.

• What did the shark get on his test?

A sea-minus.

• How did the hammerhead do on his final exams?

He nailed it.

• What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction show?

Shark Trek.

• What happened when the shark got famous?

He became a starfish.

• What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?

Frostbite.

• What do you call the stuff caught in a shark’s teeth?

Slow swimmers.

• What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

• At the beach today, I saw someone in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!”

I laughed so hard. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.

• What did one shark say to the other after eating a clownfish?

“That one tasted a little funny.”

• Where do sharks go on vacation?

Fin-land.

• What do you say to sharks when they get married?

You’re hooked for life.

• What’s a great whites favorite candy?

Jaw-breakers.

• What do sharks say when food is ready?

“Hot off the gill!”

• Who is the most famous shark writer?

William Sharkspeare.

• Why do sharks live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

• Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?

Santa Jaws.

• What kind of sharks would be good at construction sites?

Hammerhead sharks.

• What did the shark say to his date?

“There’s some-fin very special about you!”

• What is a shark’s favorite kinda sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.

• What do you call an acrobat in shark-infested waters?

A balanced breakfast.

• Why don’t the sharks like to fight octopus?

Because they are very well-armed.

• What do say to sharks when they have a big choice to make?

“Chews wisely.”

• What did the shark say when he got arrested?

“Not gill-ty!”

• What did the mama shark say to her sassy pup?

“Watch the sharkasm!”

• What do sharks order at McDonald’s?

A quarter flounder.

• How does a shark greet a fish?

“Pleased to eat you!”

• There’s a little-known, but foolproof defense against sharks. Know what it is?

Sharks will only attack you if you’re wet.

• A new study discovered that sharks only bite people who go swimming in the ocean.

Researchers advise not swimming there.

• A shark, crocodile, and a giant spider walk into a bar.

Yeah, it was just a normal day in Australia.

• Why did the shark cross the Great Barrier Reef?

To get to the other tide.

• What song do sharks sing while they hunt for food?

“Don’t Stop Bleedin’.”

• What do you call an antisocial shark?

A lone shark.

• What did the shark say to the whale?

“What are you blubbering about?”

• What’s the biggest lie sharks tell?

“I’ll just take one bite.”

• The star shark attraction the local aquarium was repossessed.

Turns out it was only a loan shark!

• I always dress up as a shark for Halloween.

I think the joke’s wearing fin!

• I don’t understand how people get attacked by sharks.

Can’t they hear the music?

• Where do sharks go after a long day to unwind?

Sand bars.

• What would get if you spliced a shark and a cow together?

I don’t know, but I definitely wouldn’t try to milk it!

• I really hope to see a Great White shark before I die.

But hopefully not right before I die.

• What do sharks have on their toast?

Mermalaid.

• How much does it cost to go shark diving?

It’s varies! Sometimes it’s just a few sand dollars, other times it cost you an arm and a leg!

• How did they know the victim of the shark attack had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders on the beach.

• What do you get when you cross a shark with a parrot?

An animal that will talk your head off.

• What does a shark say when it sees something cool?

That’s jaw-some!

• What was the marine biologist’s kid’s excuse for not having his homework?

His shark ate it.

• Who’s the most famous shark rapper?

MC Hammerhead.

• What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?

Please return if seal is broken.

• What do a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabites.

• Why don’t sharks like fast food?

It’s more work for them to catch.

• What was the shark’s favorite movie?

Eating Nemo.

• What sort of fish operates on sick sharks?

A sturgeon.

• Pretend you are on a boat surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?

You stop pretending.

• What did the shark say to the cliff jumper?

“Don’t worry, I’ll catch you!”

• Why are sharks bed time stories so fun to hear?

It’s always a whale of a tale.

• What’s a sharks favorite thing to eat at a restaurant?

Fish and kids.

• I’m don’t think naming my dog “Shark” was a good idea.

I’ve been banned from all the local beaches for calling him to come.

When I told my friend that I was attacked by a shark he asked, “Did you punch it in the nose?”

“No,” I said, “The shark started it for no reason!”

• A businessman enters the Shark Tank….

Shark 1: What’s your business idea?

Businessman: Ridiculously wide sunglasses.

Shark 1: I’m out.

Shark 2: I’m out.

Hammerhead shark: Tell me more….

• On one hand, I should be more focused on my job as a shark feeder at Seaworld. On the other h. . . AARGH!!!