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Shark Jokes

We are wrapping up this years shark week with a little humor. My youngest has gotten very into stand-up and all forms of comedy lately. The poor kid keeps trying to make up jokes, but they never land. We always do our best to encourage our children to pursue all interest no matter what it is or how difficult it could be to turn into a career, but I this one may be hard to support. 😂😂 Luckily, kiddo is still young and changing goals, so hopfully this one won’t stick. Either way, it is still currently a goal so we are all being supportive. I dug up a ton of jokes for the kiddo to learn and put on a little stand-up act for friends and family. Since it’s shark week, we are starting with shark related jokes. I have a ton more I’ll also be sending out before the month is over and some to go with next months themes; space and summer. I included a downloadable version of these jokes as well for those that prefer to have them that way. I hope that you and your kiddos enjoy these fin-tastic jokes!

  • What is the best tool in the ocean?

A hammerhead shark.

  • What did the shark get on his test?

A sea-minus.

  • How did the hammerhead do on his final exams?

He nailed it.

  • What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction show?

Shark Trek.

  • What happened when the shark got famous?

He became a starfish.

  • What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?


  • What do you call the stuff caught in a shark’s teeth?

Slow swimmers.

  • What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

  • At the beach today, I saw someone in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!”

I laughed so hard. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.

  • What did one shark say to the other after eating a clownfish?

“That one tasted a little funny.”

  • Where do sharks go on vacation?


  • What do you say to sharks when they get married?

You’re hooked for life.

  • What’s a great whites favorite candy?


  • What do sharks say when food is ready?

“Hot off the gill!”

  • Who is the most famous shark writer?

William Sharkspeare.

  • Why do sharks live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

  • Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?

Santa Jaws.

  • What kind of sharks would be good at construction sites?

Hammerhead sharks.

  • What did the shark say to his date?

“There’s some-fin very special about you!”

  • What is a shark’s favorite kinda sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.

  • What do you call an acrobat in shark-infested waters?

A balanced breakfast.

  • Why don’t the sharks like to fight octopus?

Because they are very well-armed.

  • What do say to sharks when they have a big choice to make?

“Chews wisely.”

  • What did the shark say when he got arrested?

“Not gill-ty!”

  • What did the mama shark say to her sassy pup?

“Watch the sharkasm!”

  • What do sharks order at McDonald’s?

A quarter flounder.

  • How does a shark greet a fish?

“Pleased to eat you!”

  • There’s a little-known, but foolproof defense against sharks. Know what it is?

Sharks will only attack you if you’re wet.

  • A new study discovered that sharks only bite people who go swimming in the ocean.

Researchers advise not swimming there.

  • A shark, crocodile, and a giant spider walk into a bar.

Yeah, it was just a normal day in Australia.

  • Why did the shark cross the Great Barrier Reef?

To get to the other tide.

  • What song do sharks sing while they hunt for food?

“Don’t Stop Bleedin’.”

  • What do you call an antisocial shark?

A lone shark.

  • What did the shark say to the whale?

“What are you blubbering about?”

  • What’s the biggest lie sharks tell?

“I’ll just take one bite.”

  • The star shark attraction the local aquarium was repossessed.

Turns out it was only a loan shark!

  • I always dress up as a shark for Halloween.

I think the joke’s wearing fin!

  • I don’t understand how people get attacked by sharks.

Can’t they hear the music?

  • Where do sharks go after a long day to unwind?

Sand bars.

  • What would get if you spliced a shark and a cow together?

I don’t know, but I definitely wouldn’t try to milk it!

  • I really hope to see a Great White shark before I die.

But hopefully not right before I die.

  • What do sharks have on their toast?


  • How much does it cost to go shark diving?

It’s varies! Sometimes it’s just a few sand dollars, other times it cost you an arm and a leg!

  • How did they know the victim of the shark attack had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders on the beach.

  • What do you get when you cross a shark with a parrot?

An animal that will talk your head off.

  • What does a shark say when it sees something cool?

That’s jaw-some!

  • What was the marine biologist’s kid’s excuse for not having his homework?

His shark ate it.

  • Who’s the most famous shark rapper?

MC Hammerhead.

  • What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?

Please return if seal is broken.

  • What do a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabites.

  • Why don’t sharks like fast food?

It’s more work for them to catch.

  • What was the shark’s favorite movie?

Eating Nemo.

  • What sort of fish operates on sick sharks?

A sturgeon.

  • Pretend you are on a boat surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?

You stop pretending.

  • What did the shark say to the cliff jumper?

“Don’t worry, I’ll catch you!”

  • Why are sharks bed time stories so fun to hear?

It’s always a whale of a tale.

  • What’s a sharks favorite thing to eat at a restaurant?

Fish and kids.

  • I’m don’t think naming my dog “Shark” was a good idea.

I’ve been banned from all the local beaches for calling him to come.

When I told my friend that I was attacked by a shark he asked, “Did you punch it in the nose?”

“No,” I said, “The shark started it for no reason!”

  • A businessman enters the Shark Tank….

Shark 1: What’s your business idea?

Businessman: Ridiculously wide sunglasses.

Shark 1: I’m out.

Shark 2: I’m out.

Hammerhead shark: Tell me more….

  • On one hand, I should be more focused on my job as a shark feeder at Seaworld. On the other h. . . AARGH!!!
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